My socks are damp and my glitter nail polish is wearing away from the edges of my nails, but Alyssa’s bedroom carpet is thoroughly steam cleaned, so it’s all good. Between spilled drinks, accidents with crayons and paint, and a few contributions from Leah (bitch, you know better!), the carpet definitely needed cleaning. I’m going to pick up some enzyme odor remover tomorrow, then steam clean the carpet again. The kids have learned to be more careful with crayons, the paint is now out of reach, and the dog is being crated EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN NIGHT since that’s when she’d sometimes sneak off into Alyssa’s room. I don’t know what Leah’s deal is, except that she got her panties in a twist while I was in surgery and then while I was in recovery. You know, it seems so cliche that when Mom steps away everything goes to shit, but damned if it isn’t true!
I’m still trying to shake the Christmas hangover. It’s Tuesday, which means that the work week is more than into full swing, but I still just want to laze about and do absolutely nothing. Having so many seasons of House and three weeks worth of Nip/Tuck to catch up on doesn’t make the temptation any less… well, tempting. I haven’t thrown myself back into work, but I’ve been doing stuff here and there, cleaning up my blogs and several dozen client blogs, and I knocked out every single email that was chilling in my inbox, so whoo for productivity of some kind!
Christmas was great. Have I said that? If not, it was. If so, then let me reiterate: Christmas was great. Alyssa and Ryan made out great, as always. This year we didn’t go too overboard on Hello Kitty stuff, either. Dan and I gave her a Hello Kitty digital camera, as did Dan’s paternal uncle, aunt and sisters, my mother gave her a Hello Kitty lamp, and Dan’s brothers gave her a set of Hello Kitty walkie-talkies, but that’s it for the Hello Kitty! She received books, games, a kids karoake DVD & singalong book set, Barbies and accessories, a Fur Real puppy (from us) AND kitten (from Dan’s aunt and uncle), Littlest Pet Shop pets to go along with the playset Dan and I gave her for her birthday, a Photokinz tiger, a My Little Pony toy and DVD, clothing, and an Easy Bake Oven from Jason. I’m not sure what her favorite gift is… I guess I should ask!
Ryan’s favorite gift, hands down, is the Thomas the Tank Engine train set that Jason gave him. Not because it’s Thomas, but because it’s a train set. He builds and re-builds the train set all over our house, and plays with it several times a day. Right now the train set is running through my kitchen. Earlier it was in our bedroom. Who knows where it’ll end up tomorrow.
Besides the train set, Ryan received a Bugsby (he loves it now that he’s figured out how to use it), a Little People airplane set, books, games, clothing, a Sock Monkey jack-in-the-box, a McDonald’s cash register and toy food set, a Yo Gabba Gabba toy, a big box of crayons, and a huge Crayola easel that has a magnetic dry-erase board on one side and a chalkboard on the other. From my mom he received a little doll house with people and furniture that he’s also playing the hell out of.
As far as my favorite gift, it’s a toss-up between the Sephora gift card I just spent, and the Kenmore vacuum sealer (that I have yet to use; I’ve never wanted to go grocery shopping for meat so bad in my life!). The necklace Dan gave me is also quite beautiful, but since it’s so fancy and blue I’ll only be able to wear it with certain outfits.
Grr. Right now I’m slacking on some client work. I’m also slacking on my protein consumption. Meh. I have good days and bad days with food… a lot of days I’m just focusing on getting food in! Protein is a priority, of course, but I’m not getting anywhere near what I should. Earlier someone commented on That Fat Chick with a recommendation of liquid protein bullets. I may buy a few and give them a try. Taste doesn’t bother me too much… as long as I can get them down without gagging, I’m happy!
Weight-wise, I’m 252.8 lbs. today (down 33 lbs. since surgery), and I feel fantastic. I look SO much better than I did 30, 50 and 75 pounds ago!
P.S. I’m participating in The Curvy Girls. Come check us out!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
one where you chased me without meaning.
I devoured each non-meaning without breath.
We both suffocated in non-feeling,
felt each others backs,
fled into a spiraling staircase
where there was no meaning, no breath, no us.
Earlier tonight Dan and I were playing Super Mario Bros. (my new obsession) on our new Wii, when out of FREAKING NOWHERE horrible pain hit me right in the middle of my abdomen. Below where my stomach pouch is, but above where typical bowel cramping occurs. It was so bad… I’d like to think I have an average pain tolerance, but this pain had my doubling over. It went on for at least fifteen minutes, during which time I could barely stand up straight. I was walking around hunched over, hoping I could walk whatever it was out. At one point Dan stepped outside to put the trash out (I feel so bad, he was freaking out over me) and I went down on my knees to the kitchen floor, it just hurt SO bad that standing up, even hunched over, was out of the question. I was whimpering, crying, sobbing… it was SO bad, that pain. Dear god.
And then like that, it subsided. I kept getting twinges and achy pangs for a good hour, but nothing like what I experienced during those first fifteen minutes.
What was it? I have no idea…
It wasn’t stuck food — I’ve never had food get stuck, except for a bit of ravioli that, despite being chewed thoroughly, just didn’t sit well with me, and I had to throw it up (and it got semi-stuck on the way).
It wasn’t dumping — the only dumping I have experienced was very minor, and involved chills, the shakes and a slight touch of nausea. It first happened when I took liquid cold medicine a little too soon after eating, and happened a second time last week when I tried about a third of an Entennman’s crumb-topped donut (bad craving, I know!).
It wasn’t bowel issues — I’m currently having to take Dulcalax to keep things going every few days, and the one time I experienced constipation was about a week after surgery, and THAT pain was lower and much “hotter”, if that makes any sense.
So what could it be? One thought was the three wheat crackers I ate… maybe they mixed with liquid in my stomach pouch and expanded, and caused pain in the lower portion of my pouch and upper portion of my small intestine? But I’ve had those crackers before and did fine, and when I ate them tonight I hadn’t drank for over an hour.
Another thought was maybe this is a sign of gallbladder problems? I’ve dropped 30 lbs. since surgery… gallbladder issues are fairly common in post-op bariatric surgery patients.
Blah. Whatever it was, I hope to never, EVER have it again. That pain comes pretty close to being as bad as labor pains. And THAT is saying something!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
Now that it’s December 27th and we’ve made the rounds to all of the family members (Dan’s family; for me there’s nobody but my mom and my brothers), Christmas is officially over for us. Sad, but at the same time okay, since Christmas is expensive, time-consuming and stressful! Besides, there’s always next year to look forward to. 
I was up by 8:30am on Christmas morning. Not by choice, but because of the need for a shower, which I knew I wouldn’t get in if I waited for Alyssa and Ryan to get us up. I was no sooner done with my shower when I heard Ryan rocking in his room, so after I threw on some clean lounge pants (size 22/24!) and a hoodie I went in and changed his diaper, then woke Alyssa up (sidenote: isn’t it evilly delicious to wake up a kid who normally wakes you up? Bwahahaha!) and informed her that it was Christmas morning.
Commence with the frantic and excited unwrapping of presents. (With the exception of Dan, who didn’t want the Blu-ray player I picked up for him last month. *cry*)
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In the afternoon we made the hour drive to Dan’s maternal aunt’s house. We enjoyed an early dinner of sandwiches (turkey or ham; I had a small slice of turkey and a slice of swiss cheese, sans bread), potato salad (oh so yummy!) and chips and other snacks (I also skipped those), and exchanged gifts, of course. Dan’s brothers were also there, and they gave us our presents then, even though they would be coming back to our house for their presents and a late dinner.
I was in bed before midnight last night, and had to turn off an episode of a House just twenty minutes in, because I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. Call it a combination of tired and the effects of about 1/4th of a white gummi bear (god was that delicious!).
Saturday flew by quick! I was up by 9:00am, and showered, dressed and out the door by 10:30am. I made a quick stop at Target for dry-erase markers and chalk (for the Crayola easel Alyssa and Ryan received for Christmas), and then made the hour drive to where I’d be picking up my brothers from their foster parents. We got back around 1:00pm, and my mom made gingerbread houses with them, made lunch for all four kids, and let them play video games until it was time to leave (by 3:45pm). We also took a few quick shots in front of our Christmas tree. It was SO nice having BOTH of my brothers with us, and in my house instead of cooped up in a visiting room with a social worker checking on us every little bit.
Dan left work a little before 5:00pm so we could make it to his paternal uncle and aunt’s house around 6ish for dinner. Ham sandwiches, a cheesy hashbrown casserole and green beans were on the menu. I had a small taste of a ham, a few bites of the hashbrowns and two spoonfuls of green beans, and a nibble of an inch sized square of fudge for dessert. We also exchange gifts (of course), and then out came the Wii games. The Wii Fit didn’t interest me too much, but Super Mario Bros.? OMG. I MUST get that game tomorrow. I played it with Dan’s brother K and sister K for at least half an hour, and only parted with my controller because Alyssa was dying to have a turn. Tomorrow I’m hoping to grab a copy of that game for us!
So… that was Christmas. Alyssa and Ryan received very nice gifts from everyone, and Dan and I received gift cards, which are always nice. For each other… well, if the pictures aren’t enough of an indicator, I received a spiffy, high-end vacuum sealer (to replace the craptabulous Rival one I’ve been battling with for over a year), a diamond & sapphire necklace, and a Sephora gift card (not pictured). I gave Dan a Blu-ray player which we’ll be returning, and a nice set of wine goblets. I also gave him two tickets to an All That Remains concert, but that was several weeks ago, since the concert was on December 21st!
And… that about wraps up this blog entry. Goodnight everyone!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
( Read More )
Long and complicated, huh? And that's just how stuff gets on the list.
I did it. Those silver jeans up there? They’re a size 22, and as of today (256.6 lbs.) they are ON MY ASS.
I haven’t worn a size 22 since at least 2000, if not farther back than that… As of September 2009, I was in the pink jeans, which were a size 26. They were bagging a bit. Now? I don’t even bother to put them on, because 26s have been falling off my butt for the past month. I have a pair of 24s that are getting loose around the waist and hips, a pair of tight fitting khakis in a 26, and some lounge pants. I’m holding off on shopping for new jeans until I’m in a “comfortable” 22.
This is totally the best Christmas present ever! 
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
First Video Blog from Ashley Young on Vimeo.
My boyfriend got me a Flip camcorder for Christmas. I thought it was only fitting to break it in with a vlog.
I know I am! But damn, I’m so tired right now. I seriously can’t wait to go to bed! But my House addiction (thanks a lot, Jason!) will most likely interfere with the amount of sleep I ultimately get. Instead of going to sleep right away, I’ll probably watch an episode of House first. Maybe two, if I’m really interested in punishing myself.
Ugh. I feel so crappy right now. My MIA period finally arrived this morning. Nothing like being over ten days late. No worries, though, because I knew I wasn’t pregnant. I was tested about a half an hour before I was taken in for surgery, and I figured that the surgery and sudden nutrition and subsequent hormonal changes would mess with my cycle. No big surprise that it did. I’m just annoyed that my period decided to grace me with its presence on Christmas Eve! And I’m feeling extra crappy because I haven’t taken any iron pills (mild anemia) since the week before surgery, and I can’t take anything for the horrible cramps that radiate down into my thighs and shins. Although I do have half of a bottle of liquid Vicodin left… and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sound pretty tempting right about now!
Being fatigued and in pain made me cranky tonight, and I feel bad for that. 
Thankfully Dan was home, and he helped set up the Easy Bake oven that Jason got for her for Christmas. Ryan spent the evening watching what we were doing, picking at sprinkles while I was baking cookies for Dan’s brothers, and playing with his new Thomas the Tank Engine train set (Jason’s Christmas gift to him).
So… 11:28pm. If it weren’t for House, I don’t think I could stay awake until midnight!
Merry Christmas everyone!
P.S. I’m charging my Nikon battery and Kodak Zi8 as I type this! We are totally set for the morning! ♥
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
So, it’s Christmas Eve. This week has absolutely flown by. On Sunday Jason and I took the kids to ride the Strasburg Railroad and see Santa Claus. Our tickets were for Saturday, and Dan originally intended on coming along, but the two or so feet of snow that was dumped on us made venturing out on Saturday evening out of the question. The four of us had a great time, though I couldn’t wait to get home because it was so damn cold that day!
On Monday I accompanied Alyssa and Ryan to preschool and hung around while they had their Christmas parties. I popped in every now and then to check on Alyssa, and I took pictures of her with Santa Claus, but I primarily stayed with Ryan’s class because the teacher had asked if I could help with crafts and general kid-wrangling. I didn’t think I’d enjoy two hours with not one three year old but nearly a dozen, but I did! They were all so cute, and I didn’t mind answering to “Miss Jenn”.
Tuesday… what did I do Tuesday? Oh yeah, I went out on Tuesday evening with my mom, who decided to wait until the last damn minute to do her Christmas shopping. The kids enjoyed spending time with my mom, and we all enjoyed some nachos at Applebee’s. Or should I say… they enjoyed them. I picked at the meat and cheese, and ate three or so chips, but wound up throwing it all up because of trapped air (note the recurring issue… *sigh*).
Wednesday… Wednesday went by a little too quickly for my liking! I went to a doctor’s appointment with a friend yesterday morning, stopped by Target on the way home (to pick up a toy for my mother. It’s my youngest brother’s 12th birthday next Tuesday, and my mom also waited until the last minute to think about a birthday present. She also ran out of money, so I fronted her the $ for the gift.), then spent the day at home with the kids. We needed a day to just lay around and do nothing… we’ve been running around so much lately!
Last night I met up with Jason, his ex-girlfriend and her girlfriend at Ruby Tuesday’s. His ex-girlfriend had gastric bypass surgery six years ago, and I really wanted to meet her to ask her some questions, and just find out what her experience has been like. She looks great, and said she lost the biggest chunk of weight in the first two years. She also has vomiting issues, though hers stem from over-eating. She does have some experience with the air issue, and recommended I pound on my chest to knock it out. I’ll have to try that sometime…
Today I went out to the grocery store. Not by choice, but by necessity. I didn’t get the chance to get out to the grocery store yesterday, so today it was a now-or-never deal. It was MOBBED. Dear god. I also ran by Payless to pick up the seemingly last pair of girls’ snow boots that the entire county has to offer. They’re one size larger than Alyssa’s shoe size, but they must run small, because she swears they fit perfectly.
Right now the kids are getting a bath, then a bite to eat (they had dinner earlier, but since they’re up a bit later tonight they’re wanting to eat again), and then into bed for story time, and then hopefully to bed. Last night I told Alyssa that tomorrow is Christmas. I’m not sure if she remembers or not. Is it bad that I hope she doesn’t, so we don’t have to deal with kids popping up at the crack of dawn? Dan and I would kind of like to sleep in until the sun is fully up, and then we’d really like the opportunity to exchange presents with each other before Alyssa and Ryan are up and ripping into their presents.
I still need to bake cookies… I’m getting around to it, I swear!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
We made a few trips to Burns, Oregon this week to look at the fencing project for our Glass Butte site to prevent grazing.
Wow, I can honestly say that is what restoration projects are supposed to look like. The climate, instead of acclimating to parasitic weed invasion, is lush and beautiful. The deer were rampant, although the weather horrid. Lots of rain, snow and slippery four-wheeling. We were stuck a few times. Luckily I remembered my rubber wellis and N. remembered shovels. Fyi: use floor mats if you are ever really stuck someplace and need some friction.
I hope we didn't rut out the roads too badly.. it would be a bad deal to have a grader out there.
Also visited with a lovely friend working in a birds of prey aviary. This past summer he did deer survey on horseback, and had a lot of stories to share. Including an interesting one about a mountain lion.. yet he is from Brazil and carries with him a thick accent (odd, hm?). This, while snow-shoeing to a site in frozen slush rain with a hot mulled wine made for difficulties in communicating well.
May I say I love this man? He is such a calming source, I’m glad to have known him. After teasing him he mentioned that if I didn’t have tattoos I would be his ideal match, to which N. and I laughed- we all know it’s not true.
He is nursing this lady back to health.
I think she is almost domesticated at this point, and wonder if she will be released again.
It's almost Christmas.
I've been volunteering nights phone counseling for a nonprofit so I haven't had a lot of gym time.
I should make up for that this weekend.
I need the endorphins to get over the emotions I take on through this experience.
I feel like I will need a full body cleansing after some of the stories I hear.
My friends are noticing the seeping of these things into conversation.
I should attempt to re-adjust, yet I wonder. Maybe I should call-in myself.
Sometimes I can see the grey in your eyes and it shows more than the age on your skin. It links into the creases of your soul, your solid heart pittering in weakness; I’d flush it away if I could. I’d break it in half, force it into leaved trees until it was strong, and more than one.
Maybe I'd place one side in a deposit box, dry it out to make a tea to heal with later on- I see cannibalism everywhere anyway. Better eat to keep satisfied although today I'm not hungry but awake and thinking: I live in your tall trees, amongst your fearless leaves.
I saw the bright colours, bright future.
As of yesterday I am in the 250 pound range. 259 lbs. exactly, and 259.6 lbs. today (I’ve been guzzling water left and right; that’s the only explanation I have for the .6 gain, since I all I had to eat yesterday was 1.5 ounces of low-fat cheddar cheese, three bites of hashbrowns, two bites of scrambled eggs, 1 ounce of low-fat mozzarella cheese, and four plain tortilla chips that I threw up because I got air trapped in my stomach pouch again)!!! I’m excited because I haven’t been this “little” in nearly a decade. That’s shameful to admit, but it’s the truth. And it just goes to show you… everything is relative. To me, 259 lbs. is fucking great. To others, that would be a suicide-worthy weight.
Right now I am waiting to hear from my mother. She had a court hearing involving my brothers and her “progress” with everything this morning at 9:30am, and immediately after the court hearing visitation plans for Christmas with the boys were supposed to be figured out. If the judge orders it, the cocksmack foster father that my fourteen year old brother is with will have to transport him to my house for Christmas. I say cocksmack because he IS a cocksmack. In addition to this bullshit, he informed us last week that he would NOT allow my brother to spend Christmas Day with us, because heaven forbid it should somehow inconvenience his own plans. He went on and on and on about the importance of spending time with family and being with them for Christmas… yet thinks that doesn’t apply to my brother and us as well. Here’s to hoping that the judge ordered it, and didn’t just recommend it. Wording is apparently everything.
If for some reason plans for Christmas Day aren’t ordered, then we’ll probably see my brothers for Christmas today. I have their presents, Christmas candy and fresh-baked cookies in the car, the kids and I are dressed and are ready to go (minus coats of course). So here I sit, twiddling my thumbs…
YAY! My mom just called, and the judge ORDERED a five hour visit on Saturday. We have to transport the boys, which means driving an hour up and back to get them, and then an hour up and back to take them back, but hey, at least we get to have them. Take that, cocksmack!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
My anxiety is through the roof at the moment. Money issues, of course. I got my checklist for school. I have to get scrubs, background checks, clearances, etc. Plus tuition and books. My Christmas present from mom & Jim is tuition money. So we're half way there. It'll be rough for the near future, but I keep telling myself it'll be worth it. I'm beyond excited for clinical stuff. I'm downright giddy.
Work is work. Customers love me. My bosses? Not so much. I'm not sure what it is, but they seem to single me out often. I have a feeling it'd because my personality is so strong. I'm polite, but myself. I joke around and really try to enjoy life. The company I work for is pretty structured. They encourage diversity, but like everything just so. i'm not enough of a sheep for them apprently. I can deal with it knowing that someday I won't be there. Someday I'll have a job in the field I'm going to school for.
I had a bunch of stuff to say, but I took some Tylenol PM and now my mind is fuzzy. BLAH
Working in weeks? Weeks
of perfection ruined by moments of laziness.
Standing here,
in varying degrees of temperature
trying to display ourselves,
puffed-up
lazily taking offence.
Well,
how can this be defined
without saying sensitivity;
because this is what I am.
Feeling through and above.
This comes through eyes, voice.
Sometimes hard-passing,
soft and floating.
I cannot control these
gifts.
You say:
it’ll get better later
yet
I worry about the moments
we're caught in now.
- Mood:agitated
Mother Nature totally kicked our ass today. And stupid me wouldn’t have known about it, except that yesterday I was actually listening to a radio station, instead of immediately plugging in my iPod. And when the emergency broadcast system cut in, I went ahead and listened, thinking it might be important, and not just a test. And… it was important. At that time the total accumulations were supposed to be 7 to 10 inches. I go to bed last night expecting 10 to 14 inches. Today I find, after wading through a thigh-high snow drift because Alyssa insisted on going outside to play (and then quickly insisted on coming back in, because the cold was hurting her face), that the new totals are 12 to 24 inches. Sheesh. Looks like Mother Nature was seriously PMSing… or she just wanted to make a statement. In either case, life and everything going on in this area has kind of ground to a halt.
I’m not sure how much snow is outside. It’s kind of hard to tell, given that the wind pushes so much snow away from certain areas that you can see the bare ground, and in other areas, things like tricycles and picnic tables (ours) are nearly covered. But there’s enough that the plow trucks can’t keep up, stores are all closing early, we didn’t even get our MAIL today, and there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere.
It looks like we’ll be having a white Christmas — even if the white is more of a grungy gray due to it being week-old snow.
Check out the snow in action (yes, I’m a dork, but I’m a dork who’s totally loving her Kodak Zi8!):
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
On Thursday morning Ryan’s special ed preschool had a Christmas party that the parents were invited to. As soon as I walked in the door and Ryan noticed me his eyes just lit up. He was SO excited to see me, it was so sweet. He took my hand and showed me around his classroom, and then went and sat down for a quick story time. After that he and the other kids (six total) sang a bunch of holiday songs. I took along my Kodak Zi8, and I’m happy I did, because Ryan clearly enjoyed singing Jingle Bells more than the other songs they did:
Ryan also has an appetite for food and enjoys going out, as evidenced by this spontaneous request for Applebee’s and several other restaurants…
P.S. Jason, thanks again for the Kodak Zi8! I am so in love with it. It’s awesome!
P.P.S. Dear Santa, I’d absolutely love a Vimeo Plus account!
Originally published at jenn.nu. You can comment here or there.
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- kiss_my_kitty : Ryan does Jingle Bells [+0]